“War of the Sontarans”. Better, but still bonkers.
It’s episode 2 of the latest Doctor Who series and I think my brain may be starting to adjust to the manic pacing and nonsensical scripting – I actually watched this episode without hanging out the washing (that’s what happens when you air TV shows on Sunday nights) and with more than a modicum of interest. It’s Sontaran time again, how will they try to take down mankind this time?
This week’s episode is largely and mercifully more linear than last week. Having left the Tardis last week subjected to the full force of The Flux, we open on a Bergman-style black and white tableau as the Doctor stands blinking beneath an admittedly impressive-looking twisted house hanging in the air above her. Visually stunning, I look forward to whatever that becomes in later episodes. For now, though we’re pulled jarring from that and into a bloodied battlefield as a confused Tardis trio are reunited. Thankfully we have a handy historical celebrity to explain everything, in the form of Mary Seacole (Sara Powell), who informs the trio they are on the front line of the Crimean War (thanks to The Flux, they couldn’t be flung to a Hawaiian beach I suppose?).
Unlike when I was at school, I am reliably informed that Mrs Seacole’s undoubtedly vast contribution to the Crimean War now occupies a place on the national curriculum, so I wonder if this was a nice chance for kids everywhere to school their parents on their history? As I furiously googled the Crimean war, it transpires that in this timeline the Russians are nowhere to be found and it’s Sontaran’s causing the conflict, led by the permanently angry Commandeer Skaak (Jonathan Watson) with a strong desire to ride horses. The Doctor soon loses track of Yaz and Dan as they fade mysteriously away and the Tardis door, of which there had been an abundance last week, is mysteriously absent, forcing her to puzzle this out with Seacole and the misogynistic General Logan (‘Doctress’ – how dare he). We have a few fun things playing out here including casual sexism and a dollop of British exceptionalism, but seeing SONTAR on the map where Russia and China used to be is genuinely cool.
Meanwhile, wide-eyed Dan is back home, albeit with a few alterations. The shadow of Anfield, which stood majestically over his now shrunken house last week, has become a Sontaran shipyard and he’s out after a newly imposed curfew. In one of the episodes weakest moments, he’s chased down by two Sontarans with laser guns, who miraculously miss him not once but about 50 times before being easily dispatched by Dan’s lurking parents. The ease in which Sontaran’s can be knocked out with a bang to their probic neck vent isn’t a new revelation (see series 4’s The Sontaran Stratagem) and its exploitation in this episode renders them about as threatening as the potatoes they bear a strong resemblance to. It appears that the Sontaran’s are profiteering off last weeks Flux drama by sneaking in under the Lupari’s shield. Naughty Sontaran’s!
Yaz meanwhile has landed in a mysterious corridor, where she runs into the angry Victorian gentleman who we saw last week (Joseph Williamson – real person!). No doubt this meeting is intended as a tantalising taste of what’s coming, but in an already jammed packed episode, it’s wholly unnecessary. Yaz then meets Vinder (Jacob Anderson), who fresh from a Flux destroyed Outpost Rose, is being screamed at by a floating diamond who keeps asking if he can repair something – I got a bit lost at this point, as the floating diamond voice is that of K9’s (John Leeson) and it really threw me off. She and Vinder are in some sort of temple, manned by the Mouri, a sort of motion-activated old guard, the purpose of which appears to be very important yet unknown. We can park Yaz here for a bit though, Chibnall thinks we’re hungry for more Dan (I’m not) and channelling Clara Oswold vibes, she has written ‘WWTDD’ (what would the doctor do) on her hand. More on her later.
There is certainly an ambitious story arc being built here, but here we are a third through the series and as yet, none the wiser.
Dandy Dan is sneaking into a Sontaran shipyard, grabbing a wok off his mum (yes, a wok versus the full might of the Sontaran’s. This is where we are now). Meanwhile, in 1854 The Doctor is doing the same thing and brought along a defenceless Mary Seacole for the ride. Working out the Sontaran plan, it’s not long until the patriarchy rears its ugly head and the General’s actions lead us to lament the pointlessness of war for about 30 seconds. The Doctor somehow manages to hook up with Dan via video link in 21st century Liverpool. It’s barely explained, but I think that the Sontarans have set up a temporal paradox and have linked both 1854 and their present-day shenanigan’s to maximise their efforts – never before has ‘wibbly wobbly timey wimey’ been more appropriate. It’s bad enough that Karvonista shows up out of nowhere to save goofy Dan, still, soul bonded I see, but I physically wretched at Dan’s tempura/temporal joke which doesn’t work in any timezone or reality.
Tasked by the Doctor with getting rid of the Sontarans (with a wok?) Dan and Karvanista pilot one of their own ships into the 2021 Sontaran fleet causing some sort of temporal shockwave which forces the past Sontaran’s into retreat while safely depositing them into the Mersey. In 1854 we get to enjoy a storyline lifted directly from Tennent-era Who (The Christmas Invasion) as Captain Logan’s previously planted explosives destroys the Sontar fleet as it retreats, allowing us to once again ponder who the real bad guys are (it’s still the Sontarans) and the Doctor getting really angry with humanity, just like the last time. Now allowed back into an increasingly degrading Tardis, Dan gets his personalised invite to join the team (I think he thought he was going anyway) and the Tardis joyrides to Yaz in the temple, who is really not doing very well.
She’s been joined in the temple by Swarm (Sam Spruell) (the craggy rock-faced guy from last week) and Azure (Rochena Sandall), his sister, who pleasantly ooze villain charisma elevating their scene’s despite the increasingly confusing plot. They seem to know where they are and after destroying the floating diamonds (were we supposed to be upset?) enlist Vinder and Yaz as makeshift Mouri guardians. What this means for them I don’t know, but they have some new face markings. They explain to a stressed Doctor that they are on the planet ‘Time’, which shouldn’t exist but is very broken, and that time/Time is running amok. That’s a bad thing and I have no idea why. Frustratingly, neither does The Doctor.
Episode two is a more focussed episode, there’s a solid but predictable Sontaran story and some movement on the overarching plot, although again it’s rammed full of so much sometimes unnecessary detail, that it’s a bit overwhelming. Also between the first two episodes, we’ve worked our way through most of the prestige shots seen in the trailer. There is certainly an ambitious story arc being built here, but here we are a third through the series and as yet, none the wiser. But unlike Chibnall and Whittaker’s previous outings, I’m starting to care about where this story goes, which is surely a good thing. I need fifty per cent more Swarm and Azure, and fifty per cent less grinning Dan to level things out. Also, I’m predicting a romance between Yaz and Vinder which if true will totally enrage all the Doctor/Yaz shippers out there. Next week we have the third episode Once, Upon a Time to look forward to – as far as what to expect, your guess is as good as mine!
The Good;
- Swarm and Azure, it’s hard to resist a sassy bad sibling duo
- Mary Seacole was a formidable and interesting temporary companion.
- What was that Bergman floating house? It looked great so I’m keeping my fingers crossed!
The Bad;
- Dan hasn’t had anything to eat for ages now. Is he ok?
- Is Karvinista going to surprise save Dan in every episode now?
- Lifting plot’s directly from prior episodes with no mention of that episode should be banned! #ripSycorax
WAR OF THE SONTARANS, EPISODE 2 OF THE NEW SERIES OF DOCTOR WHO IS ON BBC iPLAYER
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