“Once Upon Time”. We’re a long way down the time vortex, and there is no place like home. Doctor Who goes into overdrive in a badly structured meander into madness.

CONTAINS SPOILERS

To start with, an apology for wrongly titling this week’s episode in last week’s review. Perhaps too entrenched in the Moffat-era fairytale mythology, I envisioned a more ethereal episode, riffing off a well-known folk tale perhaps, but boy was I wrong. No, this was definitely called ‘Once, Upon Time’ and it did exactly what it said on the tin. Did it further the story? Yes, a little bit. Was it completely bonkers again? Oh yes.

The episode kicks off on the cliffhanger of Swarm about to come over all Thanos and click his fingers, sending the time vortex through Yaz and Vinder (who The Doctor’s yet to meet) and subject them to certain death. The Doctor gives us a small peek into her noisy head as she works out what to do next, shoving Dan and herself onto vacant pillars and forcing them all into the vortex, a pink floaty tunnel where we’ll spend much of the episode. The foursome is sucked into their own memories as The Doctor has a chat with some gigantic Mouri who tells her she’ll have to save her friends before they all expire.

But wait a minute. Given that we’re 3 episodes in, with annoying mysteries swirling around our head’s like mosquitoes, what this series needs is a brand new character! Enter Bel, who having witnessed her world being destroyed by the Flux (it’s not quite world-destroying then) is on a quest to get to her lost love. Seeing life through her eyes is interesting enough, she has a canny knack for escape and hot-wiring space ships, not to mention killing Cybermen, but the high tech Tamagotchi she carries around is a bit basic for the future of robotics. More on that later.

Yaz yet again gets the short end of the stick with some rubbish memories. We’re reminded she was once a member of the police force, yet for all the action she must have seen patrolling the Sheffield streets, we get to see her in the car eating a salad. It’s here that the Doctor makes contact explaining that she’s working very hard shielding Yaz in her own time stream so that she is protected from the vortex. This won’t be the first time that we hear the Doctor saying that. In fact, it’s all she says to her companions as they attempt to navigate this confusing situation alongside the viewers. Yaz also gets to sit on a sofa playing computer games with her sister (no wonder she was keen to stay with the Doctor and puts up with her moodiness, her life is incredibly boring) and while the Doctor pops in again to remind her that she’s working very, very hard to protect her, a Weeping Angel appears in the computer game she’s playing having previously briefly appeared in her police car memory and to the Doctor in the time vortex. The Angels are certainly one of NuWho’s most effective villain’s and their presence here does bring a real sense of panic to the situation, but how did the Angel get to Yaz and why is it following her? This is Doctor Who Flux, so don’t expect an answer any time soon.

Dopey Dan spends most of his time in the vortex on a date with Diane, the museum guide he stood up to go running around the Universe with the Doctor. The Doctor explains in her numerous visits that while she works very hard to protect them, they could be shielded in their past or future memories, so maybe this date is yet to happen? Or maybe they have already been on a date? Regardless, he’s a bit confused by time moving strangely and it really puts a dampener on the romance. Dan also experiences life in a tunnel with the ‘blink-
and-you’ll-miss-him’ character Joseph Williamson in what must be a vision of what’s to come, as well as some ropey CGI blue swarm-like dots that Bel has already witnessed and reliably informed us kills people in the manner of the Flux, so maybe they’re it’s babies? Since it’s blue, is this an attempt at gendering the Flux babies? And yes, these are genuine questions I asked myself during this episode. Anything to take my mind of drippy Dan.

Vinder, as a new series regular, arguably has the most to gain from an increased story focus, so it’s a shame that in this melee his memories appear to be so straightforward. Serving in some kind of military unit on a distant planet, he recalls being tasked by his commander, (played confusingly by Yaz because ‘time vortex’) to guard the Grand Serpent (Craig Parkinson), who did nothing in this episode to warrant such a title, except display not very subtle murderous corruption in front of two very bored looking aliens (again confusingly with Yaz present – she didn’t have much else to do). It’s this act that forces Vinder to turn reluctant whistleblower, despite being made very aware that this will mean he will have to deal with the ‘consequences’ and they won’t be pretty. Is that it, I hear you cry? Yes, Vinder doesn’t appear to be a version of the Doctor, not a double agent for the Division, not even a sexy Captain Jack type, he’s a military whistleblower who gets punished with a crummy job on Outpost Rose. This does mean he doesn’t know when or even if he’ll see his loved ones again and tells them this in a message which brings us full circle to his appearance in episode 1. Vinder displays a bit of foreknowledge about what’s happening to him, for example, he begs to not remember certain parts of his past, but maybe that’s just by dint of not being from the North of England in the 21st century?

While she’s not working very, very hard protecting Yaz, Dan and Vinder by keeping them their own timestreams where they should stay (did they have a choice, is that why she kept saying it?) the Doctor is experiencing her own memories. Personally, if she’d gone to have an adventure with Donna Noble I’d have forgiven everything Chibnall has ever written, but sadly that’s not the case. The Doctor finds herself outside the Mouri temple on the planet Time, with a well-armed crew appearing as Yaz, Dan and Vinder (time vortex again), ready to attack the Reapers inside. Her confusion is frequent, but Jody Whittaker does show real zeal when she’s leading her crew into battle and I enjoyed watching her take control of the situation, that is until we realize she’s not in charge herself, or at least this incarnation of herself, it’s the Ruth Doctor from Prisoner of the Judoon and this is one of her memories, hitherto forgotten by our present Doctor. She’s keen to soak up as much info as possible from this trip down memory lane and conveniently this memory depicts the time that the Ruth Doctor defeated Reaper’s Swarm and Azure from taking over the temple, so there’s a
solution to this week’s conundrum in the bag. The Doctor persists, however, discovering that Karvinista was one of her crew (this brings up a lot of questions about Karvinista’s place in the Doctors timeline – far too many for now) but before she can find out more, she’s ripped from the memory and told by the Mouri to get out before she’s destroyed. She’s angry until she ends up face to face with a stranger, enigmatically called Awsok (in the credits), who tells her that this universe is so over, that the Flux is man-made and that she needs to get the heck out of the time vortex. Something tells me we’ll see her again.

Back in the room, Swarm and Azure reveal their unspeaking humanoid companion ‘Passenger’ is basically a Genesis Arc (last seen in series 2 finale Army of Ghosts/Doomsday) capable of housing thousands of hostages but currently just containing Dan’s date Diane which makes dashing Dan come over all heroic and confront the evil duo before being yanked back in line by the Doctor. John Bishop should stick to stand up as this is some very questionable acting on display here. Anyway, the villainous siblings take Passenger (and thereby Diane) and disappear as the Doctor angrily stomps back to the Tardis, having a proper pop at Yaz on the way when she dares to ask a question (this is now a very toxic friendship) and flies Vinder home to his Flux ravaged planet. Guess what – it’s the same one Bel was from and guess what – that message he recorded was for her and (we’re not done) guess what – she’s pregnant with his baby and guess what (last one, I promise) – that Tamagotchi she’s been carrying around is a communication device for their unborn baby! Yes, in the future even invitro you can send emoji’s to your mum. Vinder gets given a mobile phone to contact the Doctor on, so it’s a safe assumption that he’ll be using that in the next few episodes. He better be careful with it though, as Yaz finds out when the Angel who was following her pops out of her mobile phone and takes control of the Tardis, setting sail for episode 4!

Phew! That was long.

This trippy kaleidoscope of an episode provides scant rewards for viewers who managed to watch it all the way to the end. There’s plot progression, there’s set up and pay off, but there’s three episodes left and no sign of an arc, it’s just up, up, up. The additional character of Bel feels wholly unnecessary but does put paid to my suspicions about Yaz and Vinder’s budding romance. There was a lot of ‘look’ acting this week and many confused faces being pulled as the actors had to convey both familiarity and confusion along with a typically lacklustre script. John Bishop’s acting mettle was found wanting so I’m not hopeful about the crescendo of the series if he must emote in any way. Yet again Yaz is sidelined (despite playing multiple characters in other people’s memories) and what’s odd is by this stage in Who history, a companion who’s been with the Doctor this long should have agency and motivation of their own, especially for why they stay travelling with the Doctor, whereas I can’t see any reason why she would risk her life daily on someone else’s secretive crusade. If it’s the case that her life was dull before, lean into it. She’s there because she was deathly bored and will take the abuse because it’s better than what she had to endure before. Yaz and her underdevelopment as a character will be one of the great errors of Chibnall’s era and I’m starting to feel sad for Mandip Gill, who is capable of much more. Next week looks like a Weeping Angel special, along with the reintroduction of Claire, who had one of the best moments from episode 1 being zapped by an errant Angel outside her Liverpool home after meeting the Doctor, who like the rest of us, were clueless.

The Good:

• The Doctor takes control! Too bad it wasn’t really her
• There’s money on screen here. Some beautiful settings and CGI
• The baddies continue to chew up the scenery and it’s very welcome. More of them
  please!!

The Bad:

• Bel and Vinder is a bit boring. I’m already shipping Yaz and Vinder (Vaz)
• The brief scenes of Joseph Williamson. It’s like he must appear in each episode, but only
• for the shortest time possible.
• Dan.

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Doctor Who Series 13 – Flux: Once Upon Time

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