In Nutcracker Massacre, Clara, a heartbroken romance novelist, is invited to spend Christmas with her aunt. Upon arrival, she is confronted by a life-size Nutcracker, standing guard by the Christmas tree. Quite rightly, she hates it, but is quickly distracted by the arrival of her self-obsessed, jealous brat of a cousin. However, a visit to the local nutcracker shop (doesn’t every rural village have one?) leads to the malevolent ornament coming to life and causing bloody mayhem.
There is a lot to like about the Nutcracker Massacre, from the sinister version of The Nutcracker over the opening sequence to the innovative use of a Christmas ornament as the ruthless killer. Patrick Bergin is campily sinister as the shopkeeper, all twirling moustache and ominous cloak and dagger warnings, like a budget Needful Things. There are a couple of jump scares, some innovative kills, utilising Christmas decorations in interesting ways, and an, ahem, unusual use of a nutcracker. This is high camp and doesn’t take itself too seriously, always a winner when it comes to festive horror.
The real horror of this film is Paul’s man bun, perched greasily atop his weasley face.
However, it is difficult to care about any of the characters. Clara is a boring beige nightmare, her boyfriend Paul is a dick, and her cousin is so repulsive that you are begging for the Nutcracker to target her as soon as possible. The real horror of this film is Paul’s man bun, perched greasily atop his weasley face. It’s insulting to believe that anyone would take back such a loser, and this makes it even harder to care if they all get festively slaughtered. Some of the dialogue is clunky, and shaky camera work does suggest that much of the budget may have gone into the Nutcracker costume.
But, overall, this is a fun, low budget single location film that plays with the most entertaining elements of Christmas horror. Some of the dialogue is more wooden than the Nutcracker himself, who does spend much of the film swaying gently as the actor inside presumably tries not to faint, and the toxic redemption arc of the piece of shit shagabout boyfriend is irritating, but this can be ignored to enjoy the campy, tinsel and blood-drenched killing spree. Settle down with a Bailey’s and too much chocolate, to enjoy this easily digested offering in the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Just make sure none of your ornaments are watching you while you do it.
2/5
NUTCRACKER MASSACRE IS AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL PLATFORMS FROM MONDAY
Nutcracker Massacre (2022)
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